All Mai Wanted
by Sakurane
Summary: Mai and Zuko decide that they want to start a family. A tragedy befalls the couple. How will the event affect she and Zuko's relationship, and will happiness forever be beyond their grasp?
1. Chapter 1

Fire Lord and Fire Lady lay together in their chambers, a dim light coming from a candle on Mai's armoire. They could barely make out each other's faces.

"Mai... have you... have you ever thought about starting a family?" Zuko asked quietly.

"Well, if you want to have sex with me so badly, just say so." Mai smirked. Mai knew he was being serious, but she panicked. She didn't want to have this discussion now. Things were perfect- why ruin it?

"I'm positive that I am _not _the motherly type." She rushed, knowing it sounded like an excuse.

"You'd be a wonderful mother, Mai. I know you would."

Mai smirked. "What part of me is fit to be a mother, Zuko? I'm nothing like Ursa was. I'm not gentle, or kind, or understanding. I'm not nurturing, and I doubt my patience would hold out long."

"I don't think you need any of those things to be a mother."

"Well, I don't want to turn out like _my_ mother, either."

Zuko sighed, throwing his hand up in defeat. "Okay, okay, sorry. Just... think about it, okay?"

Mai _did _think about it. The notion consumed her thoughts. She'd never had a good relationship with her mother, so the idea of motherhood hadn't really occured to her. Of course, producing the next heir was what was expected of her. Li and Lo reminded her of that frequently, but Mai had always pushed her worry to the back of her mind, and enjoyed the moment. She was in love with Zuko. She liked it to be the two of them, and didn't want a baby added to the mix. But when she'd looked at Zuko's face, so hopeful... she'd considered it. Her mind wandered, imagining herself like Zuko's mother, Ursa... walking her child in the garden, praising her husband. Then, before she was even aware, she was thinking of names for her baby.

Less than a month later, Zuko kissed her as she was letting her hair down. Mai knew it was time to say what she needed to.

"I..." Mai started. "I- I want it."

"You want what?" Zuko looked at his wife quizzically.

"I want to have a baby."

His good eye opened wide, taken aback at first. Then Zuko then kissed his wife, overjoyed. Mai smiled at his ability to show his happiness, and made an effort to look excited. From the amusement on Zuko's face, she imagined her expression must look twisted and forced. They sat in bed together, both astounded by the turn of events.

"Do you want a boy, or a girl?" Zuko asked, holding Mai's hand. He could barely keep the excitement from his voice.

"It doesn't matter to me, as long as it doesn't make too much noise."

Zuko rolled his eyes at Mai. "I think I want to have a girl."

"Don't let the advisors hear you say that. They're hounding me about producing an heir as soon as possible. A girl would be such a _disappointment_ to them."

She remembered how her mother had felt that way when she was born. The only comfort was that Mai had been beautiful, and any man would be thrilled to have her. But still, her parents had never been satisfied.

She would never let their daughter- had a daughter- feel that way.

"I'm not having a baby with my advisors, I'm having one with _you_. Besides, maybe it's time for a woman to take over the throne."

"Hmm... I suppose after every other tradition you've ignored, abolishing another wouldn't be surprising." Mai said as playfully as she could manage.

"I want her to be beautiful, like you." Zuko murmured, nuzzling Mai's neck.

"My, aren't we in a complimentary mood?"

"If you weren't so sarcastic all the time, I wouldn't feel like it's wasted."

"Trust me, it isn't wasted. I appreciate, deep down."

"Maybe I'll stop being so nice!" Zuko growled, rolling over on top of Mai. He kissed her several times before starting to slip her night gown off.

Mai struggled to push him off. "Wait, _wait!_ Nobody said we had to get started tonight!"


	2. Like Daughter, Like Son

I do not own the masterpiece known as, Avatar: The Last Airbender!

"Like Mother, Like Daughter; Like Father, Like Son"

Both were scared.

Both were hopeful.

Both stayed silent.

Zuko was terrified of the blood that flowed through his veins. He was terrified that his blood and legacy would curse his child. He woke one night, sweating, after a nightmare. He glances quickly and was relieved to see Mai's sleeping form beside him.

In his nightmare, Mai had given birth to a beautiful baby girl, and she then grew into a toddler. He called out to her, and his daughter walked towards him on unsteady legs. When Zuko reached to pick her up, Azula's crazed and malicious eyes stared back at her.

_ "What's wrong, Zuzu?"_

He jolted awake at the sight. He was never really rid of his sister. She would always haunt him- if not in his dreams, then in his memories. What if his child was like her? Or worse, took after Ozai?

Mai had similar fears. She was just better at hiding them. Whether she gave birth to a boy or a girl, it didn't matter. It was her own inadequacy that she begrudged. What if she was more like her mother than she thought? In her dreams, she met Zuko's mother, Ursa. Her kindness had left an impression on Mai. She was the ideal mother- protective and loving. Ursa was everything Mai's mother was not. Mai's home was a strained and politically driven place, where emotions were kept under lock and key. There was no love. Mai wondered if she'd forgotten how to love, too.

_No. _She thought firmly. _I love Zuko._

But deep down, there was doubt. She recalled what her mother, Naoko, had told her when she was six years old.

"Oh, Mai! You've made your father and I so proud!", Naoko gushed, "My daughter will be marrying the Prince! You will bring such honor to our family, Mai."

It was the first and last time that her mother had said such kind things to her. The only time that Mai had ever felt like she'd done something right, that she'd earned the love of her parents. Their praise meant more to her than she'd ever known. What child didn't crave acceptance from their parents?

But what if, even after all this time, she was still seeking her parent's approval? Could that be why she fought so hard to be with Zuko?

_I'm more like Zuko than I thought. _

Mai wasn't sure how to feel about that. Zuko had lost so much for the love of his father. Was it even worth it? Would they repeat the same mistake?

In her dream, she followed Zuko's mother, Ursa, to the turtleduck pond. It was a little chilly, some time in autumn. The garden of her childhood. Leaves from some maple trees drifted, seeming to stain the sky and ground an orange color. Ursa beckoned for Mai to look at the surface of the water. She saw herself, sullen and pale. She saw Ursa, her face bright and full of affection, watching Mai with a motherly expression. She still looked young, as she had in Mai's early memories of her.

"You've grown up, Mai."

Mai's usual sarcasm dried up. "I know."

"My son, too. My little Zuko. He's grown up so much." Ursa smiled. "You've stayed with him, all this time. It must have been difficult."

"Not so bad." Mai lied. She would never admit how agonizing it was, being without Zuko for so long. She hated being alone, even if Mai never showed it.

"What... what should I do?" Mai swallowed.

"Keep loving Zuko, Mai. That's all you've ever done, and it's enough."

_Is it really? _Mai doubted.

"I wish both you and my son happiness. _Hope, _Mai. Believe that the path you have chosen is right. Everything will fall into place. Have faith in yourself, that you will overcome any obstacle. You have done so in the past, after all."

"You make it sound so easy." Mai grumbled. She glanced once again into the water, which ripples. The vision of she and Ursa swirled until it was nothing but fragmented colors.

Then, she woke up.

A/N: Sorry about the weird ending! Anyway, I always wondered about the effect that Ursa had on Mai and Ty Lee. Zuko loved her, and I imagine her to be a kind person. She seemed like a wonderful mother. I also tried to touch on Mai's feelings about herself, and her feelings of inadequacy. I thought I also had to explain Zuko and Mai's feelings about having a child together, because they have doubts. Don't worry, the next chapter won't be so slow! Expect lots of Maiko in the next chapter! It'll probably be shorter, but I'll keep it sweet, I promise.


	3. What Zuko Wanted

**I don't own the masterpiece known as Avatar: The Last Airbender**

"**What Zuko Wanted"**

A bead of sweat dripped down Zuko's temple.

Agni, why was the war room so _hot? _

_He wanted to get out._ It was stifling. He was tired of listening to his advisors. He was angry with the fact that he didn't know what they were talking about half the time. He was too young for this!

He wanted... He wanted _Mai._

He imagined she was probably in the garden, throwing her _shuriken. _With that, his mind conjured the vision of her graceful body, slender and strong. And beneath her robes...

He shook his head and brought him back to the meeting. Mai would have to wait. The advisors drolled on, until their words all molded into one endless lecture. He felt like he was losing his mind. Someone finally called the meeting to an end.

Zuko practically jumped up from his seat when the meeting was over. He needed Mai, _now. _She was his rock, as Katara was to the avatar. He needed her like he needed air to breathe.

He turned the corner and caught a glimpse of his beautiful wife in the garden. He stopped to watch her examining her knives with her slender fingers. She still wore the black nail polish she always did.

_Some things never change._ Zuko thought.

Zuko stepped out of the corridor and onto soft grass. He snuck up behind the tree Mai was leaning against and kissed her on the cheek. She leapt away, her knives raised instictively. She stopped, seeing who it was. She slipped them into her sleeves, exasperated.

"_Agni, _Zuko. You nearly gave me a heart attack. _And _you nearly got skewered."

Zuko looked at her warily. "Yeah, remind me not to get too close when you've got those."

Mai threw him a twisted smile and stood beside her husband. He brushed her lips with a kiss. He placed one after another on her achingly soft lips.

"Not very proper of the Fire Lord, is it? Kissing me in broad daylight."

Zuko groaned. "Mai, why do you have to ruin _every _romantic moment?"

"I wouldn't exactly call the middle of the public garden "romantic". It's dirty, it's hot-"

Zuko silenced her, lifting Mai's light robes that were tucked in at her waist. She gave a frighteningly girly squeal and tried to pull away. Zuko sighed at stared at her bare stomach. He kissed the pale skin fervently.

"Baby, your mother is the most infuriating woman you will ever meet! You'd better be prepared before you come into the world." He said seriously, his breath tickling her stomach.

Mai rolled her eyes. "You do know there's nothing _in there, _right?"

"I know that."

"Then what are you doing?"

"I'm talking to our _future _baby. He or she will grow up knowing what a frustration they have for a mother."

"Well, then, _baby. _Your father is the most stubborn and irritating man in existence." Mai said, joining in. "Or, _future _baby, as Zuko calls you. You'll have to deal with Zuko for the rest of your life. Then again, I guess I will too."

"Yeah, you will." Zuko agreed.

"Baby, you'll have to parents who will love you very much. We already love you, and you haven't even been conceived yet!"

"I think we can fix that." Zuko whispered into her ear, pulling her to the ground.

"Zuko!"

"It's okay. Nobody comes into this garden, anyway. And there are trees everywhere!"

Any protest that Mai may have made was cut off by Zuko mouth on hers. She could breathe, but she didn't mind. He continued to kiss her until they were both panting. He reached for her robes, sliding them off her pearl-white shoulders. He kissed her neck until Mai shivered with pleasure...

**A/N:** **I had the HARDEST time picking out a name for this series. It was incredibly difficult! Then, for some reason, the song "All I Wanted " by Paramore started playing in my mind. And as I thought about the lyrics, it really reminded me of Mai. It was like, BAM! Inspiration. And from that, the series' title was born. It was perfect. So simple, yet perfect. Go give the song a little listen if you haven't heard it. And a special thank you to people who give me reviews! I love'em! I also appreciate constructive criticism about my writing. **


	4. The Witch of Back Way

**I'm so sorry to all you people who have been waiting for the next chapter! I've been so caught up in school and sports and life that I haven't had a chance to write much. Not to mention I've sort of had some writer's block for this story… But, thanks for your patience, here's the next chapter! I also want to apologize for any lack of description as far as setting goes, because I didn't really have much to go on. I did a little research, but I don't really remember much about what parts of the Fire Nation looks like. Anyway, please review! Don't be afraid to criticize!**

Failing, Falling

Mai woke to the familiar sight of her husband sleeping beside her. He slept soundly, his bangs falling over his boyish features. His hair had grown longer, now almost to his shoulder. In some ways, she missed the jagged cut he'd had before. But his long hair did make it easier to put in a top-knot, which meant less work for Mai when it came time for a political event.

Mai couldn't resist running her fingertips across his face. She _still _couldn't believe that it was real, even after three years of marriage. That _he _was real. And that he was hers. She wanted desperately to kiss him, but resisted, allowing her Fire Lord to rest a little longer.

_He needs it. _She thought, thinking of how stressed Zuko had been recently. _My stupid husband really does work too hard._

She pulled the red covers of their bed so that they covered Zuko's shoulders and went to her vanity. Her reflection stared back at her; pale, smooth skin; Golden eyes; Silky ebony hair. Mai had changed since the war, growing into a mature and elegant beauty. But the one thing that Mai _wanted _to be different remained the same. She still wasn't pregnant.

She and Zuko had been trying for months. Mai was becoming more and more discouraged as time went on. She wanted nothing more than to make Zuko happy. And that happiness would be giving him a child. She saw how his eyes shown when she brought up the subject. Now, Mai did everything she could to avoid talking about their unsuccessful efforts. Zuko respected her silence and did the same.

But she felt _guilty. _She was failing. And Mai's parents had made it clear that failure was not acceptable for a respectable young lady. Mai felt lost, and her despair was spreading from a deep place. She felt it grabbing hold of her heart and her mind. But she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't talk to Zuko about her confusion, because she didn't know what was wrong herself. She just knew that she was failing.

"This is _not _how I wanted to start my morning." Mai muttered to herself. She quickly put her hair up with pins and left her husband in peace. He would probably complain later when he woke up alone, but Mai wanted some time to herself.

She went to the front walls of the palace. When she and Zuko had first been married, the advisors hadn't allowed Mai or Zuko to so much as step outside of the palace without a fully armed guard with them. It was customary, but being protected rubbed Mai the wrong way. After months of debate and heated argument, Zuko had finally convinced his advisors that Mai could take care of herself.

"She was a guardian of _Azula's, _for Agni's sake!" Zuko had said, hating to use his sister's name. But the point had been made; Mai had more freedom than before, and she was grateful. Now she could leave the palace when she wished, though seldom alone. That day, she was stuck with a novice soldier by the name of Ten-Ra. His helmet was obviously to large for his head, and his chest puffed up with pride at guarding the Fire Lady herself.

Word spread of her departure, and Mai knew that Zuko would soon be woken too. She hastened her step and the remaining guards watched carefully as they left the boundary of the wall separating the palace from the Fire Nation Capital.

"Hurry up." Mai barked at Ten-Ra, who started nervously. She wanted to get as far away from the palace as she could before Zuko sent more guards. Or worse, came after her himself. Ten-Ra followed the Fire Lady wordlessly, intimidated.

It was the time of the year when Fire Lilies grew everywhere. They were strewn haphazardly along the path, casting the day in a red hue. It was almost as if they were leading the way to Caldera City. The palace was still in sight, a magnificent reminder of the Fire Nation's might.

Soon, the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the city reached Mai's ears. They were close to Caldera City now; it was just over the "Bridge" as it was called, though it was really only a long road into the City.

"Is there anything in particular that you're looking for, Lady Mai?" Ten-Ra asked hesitantly.

"Not really." Mai said. That was a lie, of course. She knew exactly what she wanted, but she wasn't going to tell Ten-Ra.

At last, they entered Caldera City through the open gates.

"But, you know, there is _one _little thing I could use your help with…" Mai began, glancing at her guard. He nodded eagerly.

"Well, you see… it'll be Zuko and mine anniversary in a few days," Mai began, "I'm searching for the prefect gift for him. He needs new armor, but I want it to be really special… but I know _so _little about such things. I'm only a woman, after all. That's why I chose _you, _Ten-Ra, because you're such an accomplished soldier." She batted her eyelashes for good measure, reveling in Ten-Ra's obvious appreciation.

_What a fool. So arrogant that he can't see that I'm lying through my teeth. Men's egos are easier to please than a Donkey-horse with a carrot._

"I'll help you in any way I can, Lady Mai!"

Mai hid a smirk. "Good. I expected nothing less of you. And there is a way I know you can help me: You see that alley over there?"

"Yes, Lady Mai." He could indeed see it, beyond the carts on their right.

"We'll need to turn down there. There's a weapons shop, but I don't feel safe going in there alone…"

"Of course, I understand completely! Fear not, you will be completely safe, Milady!"

"Thank you, Ten-Ra. I place my faith in you, then."

The two made their way down the dark alley, and Mai was grateful that the shadows covered her face, hiding her triumphant smile. Ten-Ra glanced around confusedly before saying, "There's nothing here, Milady. Are you positive the shop is this way?"

He turned to Mai, who had back a few feet away.

"I'm sorry about this, Ten-Ra. But I have things I need to do." Mai said apologetically, her knives between her fingers. The familiar coldness made her feel powerful, in control.

She let out her pent up energy by throwing five knives in quick succession, nearly laughing at Ten-Ra's terrified expression. They landed with satisfying _thunks _on his sleeves and pants. They were so imbedded in the wood behind him, they wouldn't be forced out for at least twenty minutes, no matter how hard the boy struggled. That was the idea, any way. She'd be back before he was ever free.

Mai, satisfied with her handiwork, took off down the alley quickly. She turned the corner to the left, opening into another space. No trees, no people, no clean air to breathe. It was the Back Way of Caldera. Certainly no place for a royal to be showing herself. Luckily, there were few people to see her there.

She scanned the closed doors, all facing the center of space, and saw what she was looking for. She sidled close to it, not bothering to knock on the rotting door. When she opened it, her nose was assaulted by one of the most fowl stenches she'd ever smelled. Like all manners of rotting fruit, mixed with sweat and blood.

She covered her nose with her sleeve, but that hardly blocked anything. She had to squint in the gloom. She could see a table, and a doorway further in.

_Peasants who can't afford candles or lanterns…_

She heard a shuffling noise in the back, probably the storage area. A hacking cough later, a wrinkled old woman poked her head into the doorway. She looked more like a raccoon, heavy makeup caked over her eyes, and gaudy jewel in her ears and on her wrists.

"Madame Hualing," Mai guessed, inclining her head.

"Ah, the Fire Lady herself! I've been waiting for you to show up. Although you're a bit later than I expected."

"You know why I'm here, then? And how is that?"

"A witch has to keep her secrets." The old woman croaked, letting out another cough. Mai retreated a step in distaste.

"From what I've heard, you're more than just an average witch. And that's why I've come to you for help."


End file.
